braids: not a how-to

I really don't do braids as much, but when I do, I make sure they're feminine, cute, and somewhat intricate. By all means, not complicated, but it's generally best if people do a double-take and ask, "Did you do that yourself?" Yes. Yes, you did. Because you are a fabulous beauty guru.

Shorts on Acid

Is this a dare? Depends on how brave you are. For me, EVERYONE in my area is brave, so really, it's hardly a deviation from the norm. I could make a joke that you're amish so you wouldn't wear these and then oh wait how do you own a computer. Ha ha ha. Please understand sarcasm. That's from like 2001.
Joke is officially old.
Shorts.
So, these are from H&M, so surprisingly cheap! Yay!  Again, how to wear these breaks down into two categories: the daring and the understated. And yes, there is a huge difference between understated and wallflower. What I'm trying to get across here is that there are people whose kids will laugh at their fashion choices in old photos, and there are those whose kids will be surprised at how classic their parent looks. There are risk-takers and there are thoughtful people.
Shorts.
I've never ever stayed on topic ever in my life. When I was a kid I used to
...Shorts. This is about shorts.
For the classic: Wear crazy shorts with a simple shirt, and if you are in that wasteland between wanting to wear the shorts and hide them, you can never to wrong with a breezy cardigan.
For the daring: Hello my lovelies, and welcome to your new favorite trend. With these shorts, I'd suggest a lavender shirt. Really, wear whatever you feel like on top, just make sure the colors don't clash. We need unity somewhere in your outfit and god knows the shorts will throw everything off. Wear high-top shoes of any kind to show off your legs, and therefore your shorts. WORK THAT SHIT.
Kisses

How-to:Red Lips

This is in no way a dare. Red lips, my dear, are a complete lifestyle. Really, I wear them when I get angry, as a warning to the world. Yes, I really do have that thought process in my head but if you really feel like calling someone stupid, go on a political video about youtube. Hate to your heart's content.
Red Lips.
Well, before doing anything, apply lipstain (can be found at local drugstores, any kind will do). I'd suggest chap stick after that, so your lips don't get all nasty. You COULD apply lipstick or gloss after that, but let's face it: you don't need to.
Guys actually don't like the thought of red lips leaving stains on them to my knowledge, and this is mainly why I recommend lip stain over lipstick--it STAYS. That's because it's a glorified marker, but regardless, I swear by lip stains. If you want that ever-so-sexy swipe of lipstick though, be my guest. There's something undeniably retro and cool about good ol' lipstick.
Times to wear red lips:
If you don't want a kiss on the first date
When you need to be noticed
During a recession (TRUTH! It creates an instant outfit, why do you think it was so popular during the thirties-fourties?)
when you feel pale but want to make it trendy
feeling retro
Christmas
sometimes school? high school? I wouldn't say college, though. Suck it up freshman, you all will be dressing in yoga pants soon enough.
when you're angry;)
Lastly, when you feel a need to look pretty and really don't care who it's for. Most guys will notice but are repelled by red lipstick in a lot of cases. Rock it with confidence, though. Red lips are what turn heads and start trends.
Kisses

Ballerina Skirt

Alright, I'm a dancer, albeit and incompetent one, but I love channeling it in everyday clothes. However, the lacrosse player in me wants to be taken seriously. CONFLICTS. Kidding, but if you do want to wear a ballerina skirt, here are some tips:
Keep the top SIMPLE, this outfit is like an experiment. It's very volatile and can turn into ridiculous if you turn the wrong way. I suggest black on top--subtle ballerina looks. Yes.
I offset it with leather, because it's my favorite jacket and because I can. If I was you, though, I'd find a way to toughen it up a bit. Maybe rough shoes, or dark eyeliner? Whatever sinks your titanic.
Cat eyes are really good with this.
No lipstick. It ruins it. If it's pink, you look five, if it's red, you look desperate. If it's purple...well damn if you can pull off purple, wear it whenever the hell you want.
This isn't really the bravest of dares, but I got very positive reviews on this when I wore it in SF. Trust me, it's a good look. Just make sure it matches your personality a bit. By that I mean, if you've gone every day wearing tshirts and awkwardly long shorts, then ease your way into this look. Everybody has their looks and closet-pets. This is really a look that I do love.
If anyone out there has a pulse, feel free to reply. Love it, hate it. suggestions, people, it's about the journey.
Kisses,
Cristi

Dyed Blonde

Alright, blondes this one's for you. No one really understands what it's like to be a blonde. No, seriously. Well...ok, fine, NO ONE takes us seriously but anyways...Here's the life story of most blondes: You had the most adorable baby-blonde hair. It darkened a bit when you where growing up, and now, it's almost brunette. Not that there's anything wrong with that, you end up saying to your brunette friends, but blonde was what you where BORN with. You want it back.
First off: Choosing your color.
Shopping around at CVS is fun, but you don't, nor will you ever look like a hair model. Hair models, disregard this. This isn't a dye job to get their hair, it's a dye job to MODIFY your hair. That being said, there are millions of women out there who have found the artificial hair color that fits them best. Power to them!! Love, jealous bitches everywhere else. So pick the color that is right for your skin, and undertones. If you have natural highlights, remember that you're bleaching them out. Depressing, but true. Lastly, I suggest Garnier Fructis. Any hair color of theirs really. I cannot recommend that brand highly enough.
Second: Don't do it alone, especially not your first time. You may think you've gotten all of the back but I'm famous for always forgetting one bit in the back, no matter what I'm doing, so don't make my mistakes. Wear something you could care less about, you COULD go nude, but...I'd leave that for when someone else ISN'T doing it for you. Also, it smells weird. Get used to it.
Aftermath: Condition WELL. If you dye frequently, use coconut oil on the bottoms of your hair and also I suggest Bedhead's oatmeal and honey shampoo (damage control?). Also, you can pick between color safe hair products or lightening products. The effect will fade, so if you like it after, say, a week: use the color safe products. If you like it as it comes out, sorry it'll still fade, but use lightening hair products.
Lastly: Avoid fake tanning if you've gone too bright--just...I've already warned you about fake tanning. Wait a while between dyes, as it can damage the hair if done repetitively. Your roots will be darker than your normal hair color in contrast to the blonde, but don't freak out. Only dye the ROOTS.
Blondes have more fun? Decide yourself.
Kisses

Heart-Shaped Glasses

So, my ultimate beauty crush growing up was heart-shaped glasses. However, the plastic, bright-red, cheap ones weren't really wearable to...anywhere really. So, when I found these over the summer, I was absolutely stoked! They're perfect for the beach, or to just wear on top of your head as an accessory. Keep in mind, if you actually need sunglasses, I guarantee no one manufactures functional lenses in heart-shaped glasses, so wear something else.
With these, you could wear a lot of different outfits:
1 Retro: You know what to do here. A floral dress and red lips. Done.
2 Hipster: If you must, then I guess...wear high waisted shorts(or high-waisted ripped pants) and a loose tank-top. And those high-top vans. High top blue or red converse. Whatever works.
3 Girly: easy. Extra mascara, neutral flats, shirt tucked into a skirt. lace tights if you feel like it.
4 edgy: Really? THESE when you feel edgy? Fine. skip the earrings and necklace, go heavy on rings, band tshirt cut into a tank top, and studded denim pants.
5 boho: sundress, chain-link type belt, lots of jewelry, and skip the shoes.
6 prep: ehhhh...pick some new sunglasses. or just wear with one of those jackets with the elbow pads.
Kisses

Fake-Tanning

Yes, she is why I don't always think it's a good idea to fake tan. But, if your mind is set, go for it. Just be smart, please! And don't be a cheeto-ho.

1. NO TANNING BEDS. I know that's like a challenge, but I wouldn't risk it. 
2. Jergens is usually best, just the lotion from the drugstore is fine. But don't lie to yourself--it's stupid to pick out "Medium-Dark" tanning when you're white. I don't care how much you want to be black. You're not medium, don't pretend you are. 
3. Alright, I hate to have to say this, but don't do it more than once a day. I know, sounds obvious, but just don't. 
4. The obvious stuff here: Don't put it on your elbows or your knees. If you have oily skin, skip your face as well. If you do, it not only oils it up more, but brings out the acne more than acne did itself. 
5. Wash your hands immediately after! Orange palms are a dead giveaway. Well, so is an orange face, so just....moderation, people. 
6. Fake tan works best when you have a natural tan to base it off of.  As far as natural tans go, don't forget sunscreen--I'm not saying this because your mother is paying me, I'm dead serious. If you're a whitey mcgee like me, then no sunscreen means you will burn, but sunscreen will help you tan better. I could explain it, but then someone would try to explain why I am wrong. If I was really smart enough to know how thermal energy reacts to sunscreen, do you think I would be spending my time doing this? Also, if you need to tan and you are black: You don't need to. Everyone else is jealous. You're all good. In fact, you probably don't even need to fake tan. Why are you here? 
7. Last and final tip for fake-tanning: We all know that bronze is best. Beautiful in bronze and a whore in orange. Jk. But if you overdo it, just take a break for a while. I promise that no one will judge you for looking less orange. Also, don't do this in the winter. Sometimes pale skin is nice to try, winter's a good time to find out if it's a better look for you. Have fun!!
8. Kisses.

Skull T-shirt

Face it, 2012. Skulls are back in. I know, I know. It's kind of sucked when people tried to give them bows and stick them on Target T-shirts. It got old really fast if your tshirt was in any way related to pirates of the carribbean. No one liked them on Disney bullies either. And you know the kid who used to wear one around his neck years ago eventually had to get over his phase and get a job instead. 

But now they're everywhere all over again, so just embrace it. 

Actually, if you want to follow this trend it's not necessarily that hard. Got an extra t-shirt? Of course you do, because all of us feel guilty about trashing that God-awful thing your mom gave you, but you sure as hell aren't going to wear it. Ever. You could always cut the sleeves off, or make it over the shoulder, or you could go full on urban-outfitters. 

Because let's face it, who can actually afford shit from Urban outfitters?

Not me. 

Really, all you need is a pair of scissors, a sharpie and a tshirt. 

Essentially, just draw what you want on your (INSIDE OUT!!!) tshirt, cut it and you're good. BUUUUUUTTTTT let's be smart about this. Look it up on youtube first. 

look up superdooperrad on youtube, here's a good tutorial for skull shirts:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pnd-4DoJbo4&list=PL340DCEB6D0F7C6B1&index=8&feature=plpp_video

Before I go, try to not make the outfit too depressing! Really, wear it however the hell you want, but on the off-chance you run into your rabbi/priest/boyfriend's mom/bestfriend's mom...actually, if you do....good luck. Out of ideas there!

Kisses

Intro, bitches

This blog, in it's entirety, is going to be about beauty dares. You know those things that you REALLY wanna do, but you're kind of afraid to? Like when everyone was doing the Brazilian Blowout and you kinda wanted to but there where scary chemicals? Actually, that's legitimate. How about when your crazy friend started wearing blue mascara? You either thought it looked really cool or thought she was a freak, but either way, you where too chickenshit to do it. See, that's the thing--I'm not. Really.

So all those things you want someone else to do first so you know how to do it?

Yeah, those are the things I'll be doing. 

Because blogs never get any attention, I'm going to start out with my own. But, when it does, leave comments for what you want to do. 

Almost nothing is off limits, and if I know my audience, then this is a great way to procrastinate and not get your work done. No shame here, procrastination is what the interbutts are for. Your secret is safe with me. 

Kisses